


The Humanity Inside of You

by elli_elpis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bunker, Cute, Destiel - Freeform, Human! Cas, M/M, confused cas, december weather
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 07:50:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3480212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elli_elpis/pseuds/elli_elpis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel struggles with the new feeling of humanity, slowing becoming more and more familiar with different emotions. But one thing he feels around Dean always leaves him confused, something called love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

It's hard. Everything about it is hard, being human. The sickness, the poverty, the pain. Not even 2,000 years of watching, and waiting, could have prepared Castiel for being human. And when he fell, he felt true pain for the first time. The feeling of his grace being stolen from him was worse than the feeling of being stripped of your skin and then lit on fire. He fell so hard and so fast that everything he once knew seemed to burn up and mean nothing in a matter of seconds. And when he took his first steps as a human, the emotions he felt were terrifying. He felt fear, anxiety, sadness, and anger all at once. And they hit him like a tidal wave. He cried and screamed and punched at walls like his life depended on it. It was all so new, and all so strange, humanity.  
Time seemed to pass quickly after that, and after all he'd been through, and after all the insanity, it felt like the best thing in the world to be joined with the Winchesters again in their bunker. He even got his own room. And he quickly fell into a routine with the two brothers. He always woke up last, every single morning. And after he did eventually wake up, he would sleepily stumble into the kitchen and make himself a cup of coffee, then sit at the kitchen table sipping it until he fully woke up. Sam would of course have already been up for a while and would usually be sitting at the table as well, while Dean, instead of joining them at the table, would be lying on the couch or out in the garage.  
Castiel helped whenever he could, finding books for sam, or cleaning up the kitchen, or helping Dean work on the ampala. He always found one way or another to be of assistance. And as time went on, he became more and more human.


	2. Reality

It was a chilly December after noon. The sun had begin to set, painting the clear blue sky into soft pinks and oranges as it went down. Sam and Dean had spent the past three days two towns over investigating a string of mysterious deaths in which the victums brains melted in the their skulls and bled out of their noses.  
"C'mon Sammy, it'll be just like the good old days! And it's not even that far away!" Dean had protested.  
"Fine, we can check it out, but we have to get back as soon as possible, Medatron won't wait up for us to stop whatever he's doing," Sam said.  
"I think it would be nice to get out of the bunker for a few days," Castiel added.  
"I don't think you should come Cas, it'll probably be a more dangerous case and we need you here to watch the bunker and make sure everything's ok," said Dean.  
Castiel looked disappointed but nodded in agreement anyway, not questioning the hunters judgement.

Dean and Sam packed their duffles soon after that and put them in the back seat of the ampala. Dean was so eager to go hunting, he'd missed the old days a lot lately.  
"You'll be safe won't you? Do you promise you will return safely to he bunker soon?"  
"Yeah Cas, I couldn't leave you behind like that, I promise we'll be back in a couple days." Dean said, hugging cas tightly before climbing into the drivers seat of the ampala next to Sam.  
"You better return safely" cas muttered to himself as he waved them off.  
After he could no long see the ampala driving down the road he sighed, pulling his coat a little tighter around himself. Something didn't feel right. He felt afraid. Fearing something may be coming for him, he quickly ducked back inside the bunker, making sure to lock the door behind himself. What he felt then was something he grew to know as insecurity. He didn't feel safe. For the first time in a long time he felt alone. But he merely brushed the feeling aside, slipping off his shoes and heading over to the old couch in what you could call a living room. He curled up on the couch with one of the old novels he'd found in the bunkers library, but rather than think to read it, the first thing he thought of was Dean. Whether he'd be ok or not, wishing he was there with him, thinking of his bright green eyes, wanting to hear his uplifting laughter. Why would he be thinking so much of Dean so much so soon? He only just left. And something else was still wrong, he was still feeling insecure and didn't understand why. What was different?  
Dean was gone and that's what was different.  
Dean wasn't there at the bunker and Castiel didn't feel safe without him.  
Cas sat there on the couch, coming to realize this, realize why he was thinking of Dean so much. Realize why Dean caused him such strange physical anomalies. Like having an increased heart rate when he was around, or sweating hands, or warmth in his chest. He couldn't believe he'd missed it before, and all it took to realize it was thinking of the light in Dean's eyes. His beautiful, bright, green eyes.  
Of course, this wasn't the first time Castiel had spent time thinking of only Dean, but for some reason it was different then, and this time it felt so real, so amazing that he smiled. Smiled because for the first time he was feeling true love.  
He loved sam and Kevin as well of course, but not like he loved Dean. The love he felt for Dean seemed to burn brighter in his chest than his grace ever did. He wondered if Dean felt this love for him as well, he hoped he did.  
2,000 years on a hugely populated planet, and Dean winchester was the one human who caught his eye and held his interest. He was the only mystery that he couldn't solve, and he wanted to spend the rest of his existence with Dean trying to solve it.  
He brushed the thought of spending the rest of eternity with him, thinking to himself that he was getting to far ahead of himself. He only just found out he had some sort of a "crush" on this man.  
And so with that he finally opened his book to his last read page and started to read. He read alone in the bunker until it was late and he was tired.  
Heading to bed, the last thing he could remember thinking before falling asleep was wondering when the winchester brothers would return home.


End file.
